" realise your mistakes and change them, it's never too late. " 

Is that true? Why does it seem that it's too late for me?  I've regretted things I did in the past, and I've tried hard to change. But the more I change, the more my life is becoming a misery to me. I envy those who have true friends who actually cares for them, and puts you in no.1 position. Yea I can have many good friends who cares for me, but I'm always the number 2. If I really need them, they're just not here for me, cause someone else needs them. Even if I asked you out a week ago, as long as your no.1 friend comes asking you a week after me you'll just ditch me. 

I'm really sick and tired of these shits. Maybe it's just stress from exams. But I don't wanna waste another minute of my life living like some lonely dog . 

Being alone is one thing, being alone + hated is another. It's amazing how I get hated for hanging out with people. I've been friends with this guy for so long, yeap you're his girlfriend now. But you're telling me I have to forsake a 4 year friendship just cause you're his new girlfriend? I've already distanced myself ain't that enough? Must you go around and talk bad about me behind my back and act like some goody 2 shoes Infront me . Hahahaha. I'm talking nonsense. Just .. Ignore me. I've given up hope.

I thought joining the council board can bring back the fun I truly had before, but everything became worse when it's only the people who dislikes / hates / don't know me in it. I'm not saying it's their fault, cause its mine. If I be myself , they'll hate me. If I be someone they like, they'll just say I'm fake. If I don't talk, they'll say I'm being cocky. I'm constantly judged for something I've done. 

I'm changing so much that I'm scaring myself. I want to go back to my childhood where I can be truly happy for who I am. 

I just wanna be happy. Is that too much to ask?