You're tired of me, I understand. Cause I'm tired of myself too. People tried asking me what's wrong. Sometimes I tell, sometimes I don't. 

The problem when I tell them is, halfway through the sharing they'll just get bored and start to ignore me. Even when I'm just talking with others, the same happens every single time. Sorry for being a boring talker, but I'm sick and tired of people treating me like this.

You guys say I care too much. I tried not to care, and I instructed people to

Do things instead. What did I get in return? Unfinished work and a load to shit for me to clean. Rather than wasting extra time in cleaning other's leftovers, I'd rather do things right from the start. Yes I can't lead. So why did you even choose me for this position? Just cause I can take stress? Cause I can't say no? I kept telling myself " all this will soon benefit you." , " all this sufferings are only temporary." But it's sufferings after sufferings, sadness after sadness, disappointments after disappointments. 

I'm unsociable. I'm an eyesore. I'm an attention seeker. I should just die. I don't deserve what I have. 

All these, I can't help but agree. everything and everyone is driving me to a corner. I want a friend whom I can depend on, who will listen to me attentively, who replies me actively. Yeah I asked for too much. 

There's people out there prettier than me, more capable than me. I can see that I'm no longer needed in your life. That day, I really don't know what I did wrong. I swear. I kept thinking and thinking, but I just couldn't find the answer. I understand you're ignoring me. It's saddening enough. But even to the point of calling my feelings fake, I'm sure there's a limit huh. Yeah I've done wrong in the past, but you did too. Nobody is perfect. How did we end up in this state? I still remember the night before, we had a sweet conversation.

I'm really curious, are friendships so easily forsakened? I really trusted you. Everyone else judged me on my position, but I thought you treated me as a real friend. End up everything was wrong. You're just like them huh, being influenced by them. Seems that isolating myself would be the best, but being alone scares me. I don't like to be alone. That feeling of solitude. I want the old times back. I really do.